I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
