Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
