Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
