We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize