Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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