It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
