I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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