At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize