I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
