Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
