they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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