don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
