Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
