i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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