Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
