Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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