At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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