I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
