i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
