Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
