Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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