Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
