He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
