i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
