Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
