whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
