I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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