so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
