guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
