we have officially lost it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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