I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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