508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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