plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize