Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
