we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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