No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
how drunk are you?
Several
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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