you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
