i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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