I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize