Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
