What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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