I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
