HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
