I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize