Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
someone owes me an orgasm
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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