He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
