Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
