Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize