do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
