Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
