but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize