She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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