Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
