how can u be prego again
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
