How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize