Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
