My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
