so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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