I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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