It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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