I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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