dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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