I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
