i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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