omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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