I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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