I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize