I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
