I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
