that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You can't motorboat a personality
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
