yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
