May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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