I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
