Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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