As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
