A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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