So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
