We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
