Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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