that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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