i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
