obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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