I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
