There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
