maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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