TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
