you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize