My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
