But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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