Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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