Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
