my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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