she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Success! We fucked roommates!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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