HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You are the jesus of drinking
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
