I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
