Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize