I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
