Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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