Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
