I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Come share oat with me in your robe
How does it feel to date your dad?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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