I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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